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It was the dilemma experienced by many people who live far from their aging parents. Sara, on a business trip as a buyer for her company, stopped in Chicago to visit her 80-year old mother. During her stay, she observed her mother had become more frail and forgetful since her last visit. She had neglected paying bills, and after seeing her refrigerator, Sara suspected her mother was not eating properly. Sara's suggestion that her mother move in with her was met with an indignant refusal. Sara wanted to provide support to her mother while respecting her autonomy.
How to manage long distance caregiving? Sara called Family Caregiver Alliance and requested a family consultation. She and the family consultant developed a care plan based on Sara's and her mother's specific needs. Here are some suggestions that might apply to your situation as well as Sara's:
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Consider all the options before moving your relative. In-home services may permit them to remain in their home, close to neighbors and friends.
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If you haven't visited recently, do so as soon as feasible. Take note of possible problem areas such as nutrition, safety, driving ability, medications, finances and physical or emotional illness.
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Make sure legal and financial affairs are in place and up to date, and that you know where to locate critical documents and papers. (Call for FCA's "Where to Find My Important Papers." There is no charge.)
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Set up a system of support if necessary for your family member's safety. For example, ask a friend or relative to check in with your parent on a regular basis. If that is not adequate, you may need to hire someone to help your family member with meals and personal care.
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Recognize and acknowledge your own limits. As your relative requires increasing levels of care, you may become overwhelmed. Consider hiring a geriatric care manager to coordinate your family member's care.
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Plan ahead to have family leave or personal days available in case you need to make an unexpected visit to your relative. Put aside money in a special fund to pay for such trips.
Family Caregiver Alliance offers cost-effective ways for employers to assist their employees who are long distance caregivers. We have an automated database of resources in the Bay Area and referral to community resources nationwide. Employees who call will receive assistance from a family consultant to plan for immediate and long term care.
Please call Family Caregiver Alliance at (415) 434-3388 or e-mail to info@caregiver.org to help develop your company's assistance plan for employees caring for sick and frail relatives. If you are a long distance caregiver yourself, call Family Caregiver Alliance at the above number and ask to speak to a resource specialist.
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