I am just numb

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Collette Lee, North Dakota

It’s been a week since my mother has passed from dementia, I am just numb, don’t even know how to feel, pretty much withdrawn from everyone. It pretty much started getting worse about five years ago when my brother and I were appointed guardianship of my mother (apparently to my brothers and sisters that meant caregiver). No matter how much I tried to keep my mother at home they fought me every step of the way. Thankfully my brother understood the importance of keeping her at home. Least to say, when we got into the final stages of dementia it was all my fault according to my sisters (saying I was starving her to death, not giving her the care she needed, etc.). I don’t know if everything we did was right, but there was no way my brother and I wanted her to spend her last days in a home alone. I guess I question myself on some of the decisions we made, but I still feel in my heart that keeping her home with a few of the loved ones that still were there for her was the right decision. I didn’t even attend the funeral as I felt it was just a SHOW for the family members that weren’t there for her. Pretending they were mourning, but they rushed everything, got it done, and went on with their merry little lives. I feel so much resentment towards them.