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Daughter’s frustration with home health care aide

My parents, in their 80s, have elected through the VA program to have a HHC aide come to their home four days a week. My husband and I live 30 miles away, unfortunately my back problems keep me from helping them more. In late October 2014, they received another aide. (said, one has already stolen from them).

Now, this one has done her best to put a wedge between my dad and I. I had taken my dad to his VA appointment back on December 8. He had previously complained about his aide, Angela, telling him that she does not make enough money to support her children. She told him that she rations their milk. She doesn’t have gasoline to get to her next appointment. She wants to divorce her drug addict husband. She needs money to repair her broken down car, that is newer than mine! Yes, he told me quite a bit about Angela.

Thanksgiving week, my two daughters flew out to visit. They stayed a week with their grandparents. They noticed that the house was dirty. Yet, I had cleaned their home two weeks before my daughters came. They observed Angela pretending to vacuum with a broken vacuum cleaner. They took it up to get it repaired. The vacuum worked when I cleaned, and I emptied the canister. Angela, ran the broken vacuum for 15 minutes pretending to work, and nothing was in the clear canister. My daughters told me that she was taking advantage of their grandparents.

My daughters are business professionals in their 30s. They tried to get their grandpa to notice the things not being taken care of by his aide. I brought up the facts to Angela: First, don’t call my Mom,”Mamma” and don’t bring your finances to my Dad’s attention every time you come to his home. She told me that she would not call my Mom, “Mamma,” but denied complaining about her finances. I told her the only way I knew, was because my Dad brought it to my attention.

She immediately called my dad, and her boss, saying that I assaulted her. This is a blatant lie. I would never raise my voice or be so rude to anyone. It isn’t my nature. My dad somehow must have given in to Angela, and gave me attitude over the phone the next day. Her persistence about her finances, has now become my dad’s priority. He has been a fixer of sorts to all people most of my life. Lately he has gone through most all of his life savings. I have asked why do you help someone who is employed by a service? He of course denies helping her as her job may be on the line. I have contacted my two brothers who live out of state. They asked me to call the sheriff on her. I have wondered who can help me to protect my Mom. She has Parkinson’s disease and Alzheimer’s.

I feel that my dad has given into this person and her needs. Sad thing is, he keeps his money in a strong box beside his bed. If this person has no integrity towards me, and made up this lie about me assaulting her, then what is to keep her from stealing? After all, I see that liars and thieves go together. Just recently my dad asked my brother for me to give him back a laptop computer that he gave me last year for my Birthday. He told my brother that Angela, would like to teach him how to use a computer . . . apparently, my Dad won’t call me directly to ask me for the computer. He tells my brother that he will call the police to come to my home and get it.

This has made me very angry, and very annoyed that Angela should be so bold to think I would give up a gift so that she could get it eventually. When I confronted Angela  the next day, I tried to contact her employer. I asked if she worked for them out of that office. They asked me for my name and number, and told me that she complained about me to her boss. That if I bother her while working then she could call the police on me. Now, I can’t go by to visit my parents as I did before. Making me out to be the one with a problem. It does not seem right to me or to my husband, to have some divide a family.

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