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Disease and How It Controls You

I have lived with my partner for the last 26 years she was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis 2004 up until the last few years she was able to be somewhat more active now she is bedridden her back an feet are very debilitated she can not lay back at all sometimes it is very difficult to change her because she is in so much pain she yells and cusses me out quite frequently I have been a family caregiver since 2008 she doesn’t allow me to be away from her more than a few hours she always thinks she’s going to die that day I tell her all the time it’s up to God doctors tell her there is not any more they can do for her she is at the point where it’s up to God sometimes I wish I had a friend that I could shout out to sometimes we have been almost homeless we live in a weekly room I’m always afraid for her sometimes I just would like to be blessed so I didn’t have any worries I’m confused of what to do if she passes no one seems to care no one in our family ever calls to see how we are doing I pray frequently please listen she never wants anyone else to touch her or help her sometimes I wonder if I’m doing the right thing but my love keeps me here.