Burnout With Guilt

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Rebeca Her, Texas

My mom moved in with my family of five and myself seven years ago. I have two siblings who do not help with Mom; they are MIA! She is bipolar, negative, disabled handicapped, diabetic, thyroid issues, bigger woman, and very much needy.

However, to me she is my sweet elderly mom and I love her, BUT I AM TIRED, GRUMPY, AND I FEEL UNDER APPRECIATED. NOT ONLY do I do all mom’s caregiving, I also have two sick children: a daughter with renal disease who is struggling with her pain, fears, and doctor appointments, and a son with autism and asthma.

I am SO angry that my siblings think it’s OK to leave it all on ME! I am resenting my mom sometimes because I can’t get a break! Whenever I try to get Sis to help with OUR mom there is always an excuse NOT TO HELP ME AND SHE CUTS MOM’S PHONE CALLS OFF.

WHEN I TRY TO GET OUT MY MOM IS ANGRY AND TREATS ME HORRIBLY! I AM THE ONLY ONE HERE FOR HER 24/7 AND I AM TREATED THE WORST! THEN SHE PLAYS A GUILT TRIP ON ME! I love my mom so much, BUT MY KIDS, MY LIFE MATTERS, TOO.

I will always be here for her, I SIMPLY NEED TO BREATHE! MY SIBLINGS call when they feel like it. Or when I ask them to! I need HELP! MY BACK is hurt but HAS messed up more from lifting mom, or bathing her :( .

I CAN DO THIS IF I HAD MORE BREAKS AND MORE TIME TO BE WITH MY KIDS W/O BEING told I am this horrible person for wanting to go out! I am not living! My kids are not living a normal, consistent, happy life! They have to wait and be SECOND TO MOM. It’s sad either way.

I AM LOST, SAD, ANGRY, GUILTY, but I LOVE MY KIDS AND MY MOM!

THANKS FOR LETTING ME VENT!

PLEASE PRAY FOR A SOLUTION!


[Editor’s note: Finding a break (respite) from relentless caregiving is a common need for family caregivers! We can offer a few suggestions: 1. Call our National Center on Caregiving toll-free number 800-445-8106. You can leave a message and our National Care Navigator will return your call in the order received. 2. Visit the online Family Care Navigator for caregiver information in your specific state. 3. Visit our online Fact and Tip Sheets, in particular as Taking Care of YOU: Self-Care for Family Caregivers, Emotional Side of Caregiving, and Caregiving With Your Siblings.]