Burnout With Guilt
My mom moved in with my family of five and myself seven years ago. I have two siblings who do not help with Mom; they are MIA! She is bipolar, negative, disabled handicapped, diabetic, thyroid issues, bigger woman, and very much needy.
However, to me she is my sweet elderly mom and I love her, BUT I AM TIRED, GRUMPY, AND I FEEL UNDER APPRECIATED. NOT ONLY do I do all mom’s caregiving, I also have two sick children: a daughter with renal disease who is struggling with her pain, fears, and doctor appointments, and a son with autism and asthma.
I am SO angry that my siblings think it’s OK to leave it all on ME! I am resenting my mom sometimes because I can’t get a break! Whenever I try to get Sis to help with OUR mom there is always an excuse NOT TO HELP ME AND SHE CUTS MOM’S PHONE CALLS OFF.
WHEN I TRY TO GET OUT MY MOM IS ANGRY AND TREATS ME HORRIBLY! I AM THE ONLY ONE HERE FOR HER 24/7 AND I AM TREATED THE WORST! THEN SHE PLAYS A GUILT TRIP ON ME! I love my mom so much, BUT MY KIDS, MY LIFE MATTERS, TOO.
I will always be here for her, I SIMPLY NEED TO BREATHE! MY SIBLINGS call when they feel like it. Or when I ask them to! I need HELP! MY BACK is hurt but HAS messed up more from lifting mom, or bathing her 🙁 .
I CAN DO THIS IF I HAD MORE BREAKS AND MORE TIME TO BE WITH MY KIDS W/O BEING told I am this horrible person for wanting to go out! I am not living! My kids are not living a normal, consistent, happy life! They have to wait and be SECOND TO MOM. It’s sad either way.
I AM LOST, SAD, ANGRY, GUILTY, but I LOVE MY KIDS AND MY MOM!
THANKS FOR LETTING ME VENT!
PLEASE PRAY FOR A SOLUTION!
[Editor’s note: Finding a break (respite) from relentless caregiving is a common need for family caregivers! We can offer a few suggestions:
- Call our National Center on Caregiving toll-free number 800-445-8106. You can leave a message and our National Care Navigator will return your call in the order received.
- Visit Services by State: https://www.caregiver.org/connecting-caregivers/services-by-state/ for caregiver information in your specific state.
- Visit our online Fact and Tip Sheets, in particular as Taking Care of YOU: Self-Care for Family Caregivers, Emotional Side of Caregiving, and Caregiving With Your Siblings.]